Do you ever feel as though sometimes God giggles when he watches us try to manage our lives? At times when we forget that he is all-powerful and all-knowing? God is certainly giggling at me now.
I am pregnant!! Pregnant with a 4th child I was certain I could never bear to carry. When I was pregnant with Vince, I sadly thought to myself, “This child will go through life as an only child. There is no way I will ever do this again.” It was just day after day of feeling nauseated and uneasy, unable to think clearly, and complete exhaustion. I remember within a day or two of giving birth that I felt like a million bucks; as if my body was itself once again.
However, I was unprepared for how much love I would have for a child of my own, and I decided I could manage through another pregnancy. Along came our precious little Liv.
Again, so much love that I thought, “just one more child”. As hard as it was for me to fathom, my third pregnancy was even worse. Tons of puking and needing to stay on some medication to stay hydrated and maintain weight. After months and months of puking came heartburn. Tums wouldn’t even touch it. It was 4 months after Ava’s birth until I finally had control over it.
So I just treasured all the time I had with my precious Ava as my last baby. I was so certain we were done that I painted her nursery a lovely shade of pink.
I also had some professional family photos taken.
I made peace with it. 3 kids and that’s it. When Joe and I were dating, I always told him that I wanted a dozen children. I knew that having little children run around our house and yard, filling our days with laughter and love, and spending my days guiding them into being servants for Him was God’s plan for me.
Then, about a year ago, I began to feel as though maybe God was asking me for another child. I quietly tuned it out for the most part for quite a while. This fall, I admitted to Joe that I was thinking about another baby. He nearly fell over! It caught him completely off-guard. I gave him a month to think about it and then just flat out said, “It’s time.”
I had prepared myself for breaking the news to the kids that we just weren’t going to do stuff anymore. To let them know that Mom was sick and we weren’t signing up for basketball and other activities, weren’t going out to eat, weren’t taking short weekend trips anywhere. The thing I dreaded telling them the most is that I wouldn’t be able to cook supper most nights. My family ate a lot of deli meat, yogurt, and fruit while I was pregnant with Ava.
So I waited for the nausea. 6 weeks and it still hadn’t hit. I was pretty much in denial, even at the clinic. I asked for a quantitative HcG to be done 2 days apart, just certain that this wasn’t a viable pregnancy. Yet my lab level doubled exactly like it should have. So, we went on vacation and I braced myself. 4 days away from home and still fine. The weeks passed by. I had an ultrasound with all things looking normal. I loved being able to keep the pregnancy a secret for much longer than normal. Just recently, I had another clinic visit detecting a heartbeat of 150 beats per minute.
So, I am finishing up my first trimester and feel like I may actually be in the clear. From debilitating nausea with my 3 other children, to none at all with this one.
God giggles. When we feel like we know better than He does, He looks down on us and just plain shakes His head. “Do you know the balancings of the clouds, the wondrous works of Him who is perfect in knowledge?” Job 37:16. God has a plan, and He knows. Announcing VK #4, due in September!