You’ve heard of OCD, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder? When you look it up in Webster’s Dictionary, the accompanying photo is of my husband. It is a long-running joke around here that Joe is so picky, it is tough to be him. Also, it seems to have passed on to our first-born, Vince, who would never think of doing anything but his spelling homework when he comes off the bus on Monday afternoons. There can be no exceptions, even though it isn’t due until Thursday.
Laughing at Joe isn’t really a one-way street — he throws it right back at me. When I tell him that I was unable to get some gate shut just so, or some wording exact, and I just moved on, he teasingly asks, “Good enough?”. I reply, “Yep, good enough, kept on going.” I guess opposites really do attract.
So, here it is. Top 10 Signs My Husband Farmer Has OCD
10. It is a point of pride that the line of bales HE stacks (yes, ‘he’, nobody else would ever even try) each fall must be straight. It is just a temporary thing, all 250 of them will be used by April, but yet it is crucial.
9. I have been unable to open a bottle of salad dressing, because the lid was cranked so tight. Sorry kids, no Ranch dressing tonight, dad is in the field and he ‘locked’ the lid on. No, sorry, it won’t work to use a knife.
8. Extreme avoidance of potlucks. If he has never seen for himself the cleanliness of your kitchen, he won’t eat your food. I believe he coined the term, “pot-yuck”.
7. Kids should be laying in their beds straight. Blankets should be rearranged as we go to bed so they also are straight. The photo below is a completely unacceptable position.
6. I am skipping this number on purpose to prove that having 9 reasons is sufficient. He would never, could never, skip an item.
5. His checkbook is always balanced and all the record-keeping needed for end-of-year tax planning is always up-do-date on the computer. He is an accountant’s dream client.
4. He married me…so that must mean that he is picky and only the finest will do. Just kidding.
3. Extreme avoidance of public restrooms. Enough said.
2. Christmas tree shopping is best done by just the kids and Joe. I cannot possibly be that patient — it isn’t necessary to look at ALL the trees first.
1. Lastly, it isn’t enough that GPS allows him to plant all BUT the end-rows (outsides of field) perfectly straight. Drives him bonkers to see wavy rows right next to the road. SO, he got to thinking. A 36-row planter with 22-inch wide rows is twice the width of half of a township gravel road plus the road ditch (WHO KNOWS THE WIDTH OF THAT, ANYWAY?) . By setting his AB line by driving down the middle of the gravel road next to the field, he can accomplish having his straight end rows. Smiles every time he drives by it. So weird.
Please tell me your loved ones do these things, too. Or, maybe it’s me….maybe he is average and I am extreme. As long as there is a balance, right?